Without going into details, I will say that I was hurt by words. I was verbally attacked and treated unkindly. And I have been suffering. The words lashed out at me, just because I was being who I am: taking care of my family, being a good friend, daughter, mother, wife - really hurt me. These words caused me to question the type of person I was, and not in a positive way. I consider myself to be highly educated, smart, independent, strong, influential, and a giver in every sense of the word. I am a generous person. But I am not weak and I will stand up for myself and my family. These words made me hurt, and I cried more than I care to admit, for an entire year. I also felt incredibly alone, and at times, incredibly angry. To top off these feelings, I was pregnant with our second son and raising our toddler by myself, while my husband was away serving our country. So life has not been easy!
But I guess you just can't please everyone and do every thing to make others happy. Your happiness begins with yourself. It has taken me the better part of a year to accept this. I cannot change other people, I can only continue to be myself and to be strong for my family. I am an extremely busy mother of two with a husband who is Active Duty Army and not always home. But there is a silver lining to all this hurt and pain I have suffered through - realizing I have support. My support community is beyond anything I could ever have imagined. I am eternally grateful for my husband, immediate family, and friends. Without them, I would not have been able to function or pull myself out of this downward spiral of hurt feelings. Crying to my husband, explaining how hurt I was to my mom, or even just allowing the distraction of a friendly play date with a friend, helped me through this.
My Community is so much more than people, they have become like family to me. They have all showed me they care about me. Went out of their way to send me messages asking how I was, or stop by with dinner, or took care of my plants while I was gone. I have formed beautiful, long lasting relationships with my "mommy" friends and our children play well together. I have even kept up relationships with friends who are long distance and, although, we do not see each other often, we do keep in touch. I am so lucky to be surrounded by this Community.
I struggled with finding and maintaining my identity after I was so brutally bashed last year. But I have found it again and realized that I can help others and others can help me through our common interests and current phases in our lives. I am a member of a few online "Army Wives Groups" where support is offered. Women who are military spouses and have children, and who like me, have questions and need advice and support. It is such a beautiful system filled with hope. "You are not alone" rings clear in these groups, and they have helped me out more than they will ever know.
I feel like I am at a better place. The love and support of my husband is even more strong now than it was when we got married. He gets me and I get him, and we love each other. I am so lucky. We have two beautiful little boys whose faces light up when they see me. I am so lucky.
So I want to thank all of you out there who have touched my life this past year. You may not have known that I was struggling inside, but by simply being a part of my life, you have helped me get through this rough patch.
My beautiful boys
My sweet "Mommy" friends
Play date with "Army" friends
My Family
My Love
Enjoy!
Brittney
I'm sure that was tough to write but hopefully a weight off of your shoulders to share. Stand strong, mama. You have a beautiful vocation in motherhood and you embrace it so well!
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